There Is Too Much Pain and Suffering

I can hardly see my computer screen for the tears.  Suffering seems rampant; needless suffering caused by inexcusable actions by an increasing number of people. 

I have just finished reading the entire 12-page letter written by the victim of the outrageous rape committed by Brock Turner, the Stanford University student, who felt privilege entitled him to brutalize a woman without penalty.  In my opinion, every male student entering any college should be required to read this letter and be tested on its contents.  Perhaps female students would be well served to do the same.  No, it will not stop the abuses, but it may bring a greater degree of sensitivity to what happens when alcohol enters the equation.  And, no, every rape is not the result of alcohol abuse.

For me, the anger I feel about the context of privilege versus victim makes me want to scream along with the victim of Brock Turner.  (Every time I type his name it seems an extra letter accidentally gets appropriately added:  Brock Turdner.)

To the pain and suffering all have experienced in this ordeal, we then add the ridiculous six-month sentence handed down by Judge Aaron Persky!  Certainly, one must not cause permanent damage to a star swimming athlete’s future.  After all, as Brock’s father so succinctly noted:  “That is a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action out of his 20 plus years of life.”

Even one of the juror’s, a person who recently became a US citizen after living in this country for 30 years, wrote the judge regarding the relative light sentence compared to the severity of the crime.

There is too much pain and suffering.

And this is but one of the terrible events we are facing in what seems like a daily assault on our senses.  I do not need to list them here.  We all know what they are.  When are we going to “re-civilize” our society?  It is not enough for outrage to last a day or two.  We must return to teaching responsibility and being responsible.  The personification of “privilege” as a right will never be right.  We must respect and honor the dignity of EVERY PERSON.  Women are not sex objects to be fondled and raped because a male feels privileged to do so.  Minorities, of all types, are human beings to be respected for their beliefs and cultural practices.  I could go on and on with what we all know are the attitudes that we must recover and express if we are to remain human.

There is too much pain and suffering!

Please!  Please help to heal our hearts, minds and souls.

Moving Beyond the Hurt

One of the possibilities that occur in relationships is that we will experience hurt.  For some hurt comes early in life as a result of uncaring or immature parenting.  For others hurt may come from the breakup of a first love.  Then there are those of us who seem bent on creating circumstances that can have no outcome other than being deeply hurt and scarred for life. 

Mark Nepo, in “The Book of Awakening,” suggests that there are many ways in which we may discover how to get beyond a hurtful experience.  He says that like a radio that can only receive one station at a time, we may think there is only one way to resolve a difficult relationship.  In reality there are many stations being broadcast at the same time, but we choose the one we are listening to.  Further he states:

“. . . compassion is a deeper thing that waits beyond the tension of choosing sides (choosing a station).  Compassion, in practice, does not require us to give up the truth of what we feel or the truth of our reality.  Nor does it allow us to minimize the humanity of those who hurt us.  Rather, we are asked to know ourselves enough that we can stay open to the truth of others, even when their truth or their inability to live up to their truth has hurt us.”

As a principle of faith, I accept that feeling hurt is a choice I make in how I respond to a hurtful experience with another person.  The fact is, in such a situation we are in pain.  We will stay in that pain until we decide we have had enough it and move on.  Life does not consist only of that particular hurtful experience for any of us.  It is up to us to decide that there are other parts of our life that we can pay attention to that will allow us a momentary change of perspective.  If, in that more serene moment, we can focus our attention on the power of compassion, we will find that we have changed the station to which we are listening.  We hear life in a different way and our pain will recede.

Compassion takes us to another level of our experience of relationship.  It does not take sides in the issue.  Rather we are then in a position to reaffirm our truth and our reality while at the same time recognizing there is a truth the other person is attempting to express.  Life does not require that we all share the same truth.  In fact, individuality requires of us a separate but equal reality.  It is when we judge what the “equal” notion should be that we get into trouble.  We have an equal right to see our reality in our own way and to live with the consequences.

Moving past the hurt will eventually require of us some action.  Hurt does not go away by ignoring it.  It simply falls into the deeper recesses of our consciousness.  That is why some situation from our past may suddenly surface for seemingly no reason.  A current event is like the straw that breaks the camel’s back.  That has happened to me, as I am sure it has for others.  I felt that was what surfaced for a friend when I attempted to share the excitement about an experience I was having.  The truth of my experience as I saw it was one thing.  The truth of the other person clearly saw something quite different.  I was staggered at first and my own past hurts began to surface with the accompanying anger.  At first it was easy to blame my feelings on the action of the other person.  Fortunately, I did not respond out of the environment of the now surfaced anger.  Instead, through working with the facets of the relationship in my mind and heart I found the compassion Mark Nepo wrote about.  The anger was the first to go after that.  Then I realized I had no reason to be hurt.  The truth of my experience was still real, still true.  I was able to return to the joy and satisfaction of my life.

It is not always easy to let go of the things that we feel have produced hurt in our lives.  The choice is ours whether we let go or not.  No matter how remote some of those other stations are that are broadcasting, we owe it to ourselves to search for them.  Tune into the one(s) that bring you to those peaceful moments where you can see things more clearly and resolve any issue that has produced hurt.

 

Why Did This Happen To Me?

I KNOW you have asked yourself, “Why did this happen to me?”  If you didn’t ask the question for yourself, you have probably wondered why so much bad stuff happens to people you know.  Those of you who read my blog or follow my “Notes” on Facebook will know I have a dear friend who is one of those for whom the question surely can be asked.  In fact, Shawn brought it up herself and in doing so she made light of her circumstances.  I couldn’t help but chuckle about the way she was looking through the pain and fear to see the “funny” side of her situation.

As I read her question about why all the bad stuff happens to people it occurred to me that maybe God knows which of His children can handle paying up KARMA in advance!  Okay, I know how this sounds, but it isn’t any crazier than thinking God is punishing us for some nutty behavior. I personally do not believe things happen by chance.  I am not always able to connect the dots on why something works out the way it does in my life, but still, I know I am participating in some way.  Hopefully in the scheme of things we will come to understand what it is all about.  For one thing, consider what we often learn about ourselves when we overcome the challenge.  How many times have you said, “Well, I won’t have to make that mistake again”?

When someone is in the midst of despair, pain, illness and discouragement, it is NOT time to point out how they brought this on themselves.  It is just not that simple.  Furthermore, who are we to think we know the cause/effect situations in another person’s life?  We usually can’t figure it out for our own.  Love and pray for those in need.  Encourage them to do the same for themselves, when appropriate.  That is your gift to the situation.  That, in my opinion, is why you are connected to that friend or loved one who very much needs support, right now.

When Others Are In Pain

We all have our painful times, whether physical pain or emotional pain.  We do our best to work through those times in order to return to a sense of well-being and harmony.  The natural state of being is health of mind and body and harmony in our worldly interactions.  Like a well-tuned instrument the melody of our lives sounds a true tone when we find ways to believe in our true state of Being.  Discord and inharmony in our life and affairs temporarily express when we lose our sense of centeredness in Spirit.  We are not always aware of the specifics of how we came to experience pain, but regaining our belief in our natural state will begin the process of healing.

Dealing with our own pain is one thing.  Dealing with the pain and suffering of friends and those we love is yet another.  We may feel helpless and impotent, not knowing how to be of assistance.  I have a friend going through chemotherapy right now.  It’s a tough haul for her.  What I feel I can do is to assure her of my caring and support the spark of healing life that I know is within her.  My daughter has dealt with several serious conditions over the years that have been painful and that sap her energy. Fortunately, she has been brought up to believe in her inner Spirit as a healing presence.  I know that has strengthened her in many ways as she deals with the conditions.

In our caring for others and wanting to assist them in their healing we need to “keep the high watch.”  For me this means seeing them as fully functioning, perfectly whole in mind and body and in harmony with the world around them and the people in it.  Too often we may feel caught up in sadness or fear about the conditions our friends and loved ones face because of the names we have attributed to those conditions. Naming a condition makes it appear even more powerful.

I remember years ago as a worker in Silent Unity, the 24-hour prayer department of Unity in Lee’s Summit, Missouri, when the Cancer Society started promotions highlighting the “seven danger signals of cancer.”  Once those promotions aired on TV, Silent Unity was flooded with prayer requests from people who feared they had one or more of those signs.  This is just one example of how fear can override our otherwise positive outlook on life.

We may never know the why we face suffering.  I do believe, however, that whatever conditions may come our way our indomitable spirit urges us forward, always toward life and wholeness.  Each step we take believing in that wholeness moves us closer to the full measure of its expression in mind, body and affairs.  This is how I choose to view my friends and loved ones always, not simply when they are in pain and suffering.  I support their faith in healing.  I encourage the innate healing urges within every cell of their bodies.  I believe, “Thy faith hath made thee whole.” (Luke 9:22)