Why Did This Happen To Me?

I KNOW you have asked yourself, “Why did this happen to me?”  If you didn’t ask the question for yourself, you have probably wondered why so much bad stuff happens to people you know.  Those of you who read my blog or follow my “Notes” on Facebook will know I have a dear friend who is one of those for whom the question surely can be asked.  In fact, Shawn brought it up herself and in doing so she made light of her circumstances.  I couldn’t help but chuckle about the way she was looking through the pain and fear to see the “funny” side of her situation.

As I read her question about why all the bad stuff happens to people it occurred to me that maybe God knows which of His children can handle paying up KARMA in advance!  Okay, I know how this sounds, but it isn’t any crazier than thinking God is punishing us for some nutty behavior. I personally do not believe things happen by chance.  I am not always able to connect the dots on why something works out the way it does in my life, but still, I know I am participating in some way.  Hopefully in the scheme of things we will come to understand what it is all about.  For one thing, consider what we often learn about ourselves when we overcome the challenge.  How many times have you said, “Well, I won’t have to make that mistake again”?

When someone is in the midst of despair, pain, illness and discouragement, it is NOT time to point out how they brought this on themselves.  It is just not that simple.  Furthermore, who are we to think we know the cause/effect situations in another person’s life?  We usually can’t figure it out for our own.  Love and pray for those in need.  Encourage them to do the same for themselves, when appropriate.  That is your gift to the situation.  That, in my opinion, is why you are connected to that friend or loved one who very much needs support, right now.

Promises

While thumbing through the books in my library looking for something seasonal to read, I found something I placed within the pages of a special book awhile back. The book is, Anger, by Thich Nhat Hanh. What I found was a flattened foil Dove chocolate candy wrapper. On the inside of the wrapper were the words:

Keep the promises you make to yourself.

The wrapper was serving as a bookmark for the chapter entitled, Putting Out the Fire of Anger. I think I have learned through the years something about the serendipity of events. I was struck by the fact that I had just experienced a situation about the fire of anger being put out, at least from the former size of the blaze. That led me to thinking about how at times something that has angered us, or someone we care about, had been silently forgotten. Then, almost by chance, we discover it again in its new state of being.

This note, serving as the bookmark, reminded me of a past anger I had held that was quite deep. At the time the event occurred I promised myself I would not get into a situation like that again. I had worked to clear the negative emotions and to do outwardly what I could to put out the fire. When anger comes about between two or more persons, that fire may not really be out and the atmosphere cleared and ready for rebuilding until the parties can meet and come to understand how to proceed. In some cases only one party to the event will make the effort.

Promising not to get into such a situation again is almost pointless if one does not really resolve the conditions that brought out the anger in the first place. It is not so much a matter of what the other person does or does not do. It is a matter of what you do. You cannot control the behavior of another person. Trying to get them to change what they are doing could only make things worse. And we kid ourselves if we think that trying to make them feel guilty will have any positive effect on us. Our job is to change our own attitude by examining how we might have acted differently in the situation. Then our promise to ourselves includes not making the same mistakes again. It may also include resolving to be more sensitive to what is actually happening in a situation. If the other person comes forward in an attempt at resolution that is “frosting on the cake.” Relish the occasion and do whatever it takes to keep the promises you make to yourself, to put out the fire of anger.