On Mothers And More

I have not written an article for my LifeCentering blog for some time now.  In fact, on several occasions I have felt I should write one indicating it was the “last word.”  Obviously, the last word has not been written—yet.

I am writing this on Mothers’ Day 2016, and my heart is filled with the emotions of memories of my Mom.  She made her transition one month short of her 100^th birthday in 2002.  However, it is not simply memories of her that sparked this article.

For many, memories of our loved ones who have gone beyond our physical site are often tinged with thoughts of things we might have done differently regarding our interactions.  Sadly, these retrospectives can tend to leave us feeling we did not do enough, or that “unfinished” business should have been taken care of before they left.

Today, I find myself thinking of current situations in the lives of others I know for whom I am aware there is “unfinished” business that it would be well to take care of while it is still possible to do so.  Back in November 2014 I wrote an article detailing how I had waited too long to make amends to my sister for a misunderstanding that we had. See the article here:

http://lifecentering.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2014-12-19T15:00:00-08:00&max-results=5

It is often very difficult, especially after much time has passed, to make amends to someone we may have offended or hurt in some manner.  Let me assure you the difficulty one faces when the amends are NOT made in time is much worse to deal with emotionally.  There is a good reason Twelve Step Support groups emphasize the importance of making amends (Step Nine).  It is the step that offers an opportunity to become resolved about past actions that have been hurtful or limiting in some way to others.  When we move toward reconciliation we are saying, “My life is not fully in order as long as I have not forgiven others or asked forgiveness from them.”  Further, it brings us clearly face to face with what stands in the way of our healing and happiness.  Our action in making amends is what is important.  What the person to whom we offer our amends does is not our business.  Our business is taking care of OUR actions and freeing ourselves of the burden of regret and perhaps even shame.

So, on this Mothers’ Day I hope all of us who are reminiscing about our mothers will use the time to celebrate all they have done for us.  And should there happen to be some bit of unfinished business in the relationship, now is the time to do what you can to resolve it.  Free yourself and your mother (or whomever else may need it) from anything that stands in the way of healing.  Bless you, Mother!

Tiny Beautiful Things, Revisited

As I was reviewing “hits” on my LifeCentering blog this morning, I noticed an article I posted in July 2012 had been visited by a reader  The article was my response to a book by Cheryl Strayed.   After looking at the post I decided to repost it, especially since Cheryl Strayed’s book, Wild: Lost and Found on the Pacific Crest Trail, was being made into a movie.  Reese Witherspoon is cast as Cheryl.  Some of you may be following her Facebook page and know the details.  https://www.facebook.com/CherylStrayed.Author

I found my comments from that post are still important to me today.  Maybe you will find the review helpful as well.

Tiny Beautiful Things

 

I know that some of you don’t really care about what I have read or why or how it affected me.  But some of you do.  It is to you that I write to let you know I just finished, Tiny Beautiful Things, by Cheryl (Dear Sugar) Strayed.  My previous article on this blog was primarily about the author’s book, Wild: From Lost To Found On the Pacific Crest Trail.  Dear Sugar was an advice column written by the author, who had remained anonymous until recently.  I read about her book, Wild, in our local paper and it was in that review that she “outed” herself as the person who had been writing the advice on love and life column for The Rumpus.net. 

Now why in the world would I, a retired person living alone, care at all about advice on love and life?  Actually, when I started reading the book, it was not because it consisted of many of the advice letters she had received and answered.  It was because of how impressed I was with her writing in general.  Since I consider myself a writer as well, I am interested in how other authors develop their ideas.  I knew from reading Wild that I would probably like her latest work.

In a way I was not surprised by the fact that her “advice” on love and life hit a resonant chord for me in so many ways.  I have had my share of love and life experiences and feel I learned something about myself in each of them.  However, I discovered new ways of looking at love and life, especially as I thought of the people I have loved and do love.  I never really felt I deserved to be loved.  Expectations about what could be or should be the way love works were never quite that way for me because of that lack of deserving.  I spent much of my time with a therapist trying to better understand the ways in which I really did deserve to be loved and to how love others.  I wish I could say I have finished that part of my learning experience.  I have not.

I still am unable to articulate what love is all about.  I know though that in the pages of this book I constantly gained insights that I strongly felt were representative of my needs and ways in which I could have done better in relationships and hopefully can apply from here on out to my friends and loved ones.  There is always something to learn.  Life is never finished and we should not delude ourselves into thinking that we have arrived at some exact point of conclusion (on any subject).

One very personal event in my life was touched upon in this book.  Some years ago I shared with my son something that I had felt about our relationship.  I told him that I felt he was my teacher.  How I stated that at the time is probably not how I actually felt it, but it was the clearest way I could say it at the time. Here in this book I gained a further insight to what I tried to convey to my son then.  Dear Sugar, in her response to “Living Dead Dad” said:

More will be revealed.  Your son hasn’t yet taught you everything he has to teach you.  He taught you how to love like you’ve never loved before.  He taught you how to suffer like you’ve never suffered before.  Perhaps the next thing he has to teach you is acceptance.  And the thing after that, forgiveness.

Love is such a powerful thing.  It will teach you whether you like it or not and whether you are ready or not.  What it will teach you is personal in every case.  Whether we will accept the potential lesson and move with it is up to each of us.  I will tell you this, you do not have to have all the answers about love and life in order to love and live!  Just do it for god’s sake!  Do it as best you can.  Love everyone and every experience that comes your way.  You will never regret having loved.  If you feel regret for having loved someone who did not love you back as you hoped, maybe there is another way to love that person without your expectation of the way it should be.  I don’t know how it will be for you, but I know each of us must keep loving and finding new ways to express love.  Otherwise, we are not truly living.

Cheryl Strayed pulled absolutely no punches in her advice.  She hit so hard it must have felt like literally being hit in the stomach for some of those who wrote to her.  It certainly knotted my stomach more than once. But, and this is a big but, she never attempted to belittle the writers no matter how apparently stupid, unforgiving or judgmental their attitude may have been.  And she always caressed softly with her words the tender spots they exposed so that each person could be receptive enough to fully consider the possibilities within their particular challenge.

I wish I could be as clear and caring and direct with love in my writing as Sugar is.  Maybe it is because I am a retired person living alone that this writer has come into my life.  I certainly feel uplifted and blessed by having her work in my library and in my consciousness.  Maybe you would like her too.

Tiny Beautiful Things

I know that some of you don’t really care about what I have read or why or how it affected me.  But some of you do.  It is to you that I write to let you know I just finished, Tiny Beautiful Things, by Cheryl (Dear Sugar) Strayed.  My previous article on this blog was primarily about the author’s book, Wild: From Lost To Found On the Pacific Crest Trail.  Dear Sugar was an advice column written by the author, who had remained anonymous until recently.  I read about her book, Wild, in our local paper and it was in that review that she “outed” herself as the person who had been writing the advice on love and life column for The Rumpus.net. 

Now why in the world would I, a retired person living alone, care at all about advice on love and life?  Actually, when I started reading the book, it was not because it consisted of many of the advice letters she had received and answered.  It was because of how impressed I was with her writing in general.  Since I consider myself a writer as well, I am interested in how other authors develop their ideas.  I knew from reading Wild that I would probably like her latest work.

In a way I was not surprised by the fact that her “advice” on love and life hit a resonant chord for me in so many ways.  I have had my share of love and life experiences and feel I learned something about myself in each of them.  However, I discovered new ways of looking at love and life, especially as I thought of the people I have loved and do love.  I never really felt I deserved to be loved.  Expectations about what could be or should be the way love works were never quite that way for me because of that lack of deserving.  I spent much of my time with a therapist trying to better understand the ways in which I really did deserve to be loved and to how love others.  I wish I could say I have finished that part of my learning experience.  I have not.

I still am unable to articulate what love is all about.  I know though that in the pages of this book I constantly gained insights that I strongly felt were representative of my needs and ways in which I could have done better in relationships and hopefully can apply from here on out to my friends and loved ones.  There is always something to learn.  Life is never finished and we should not delude ourselves into thinking that we have arrived at some exact point of conclusion (on any subject).

One very personal event in my life was touched upon in this book.  Some years ago I shared with my son something that I had felt about our relationship.  I told him that I felt he was my teacher.  How I stated that at the time is probably not how I actually felt it, but it was the clearest way I could say it at the time. Here in this book I gained a further insight to what I tried to convey to my son then.  Dear Sugar, in her response to “Living Dead Dad” said:

More will be revealed.  Your son hasn’t yet taught you everything he has to teach you.  He taught you how to love like you’ve never loved before.  He taught you how to suffer like you’ve never suffered before.  Perhaps the next thing he has to teach you is acceptance.  And the thing after that, forgiveness.

Love is such a powerful thing.  It will teach you whether you like it or not and whether you are ready or not.  What it will teach you is personal in every case.  Whether we will accept the potential lesson and move with it is up to each of us.  I will tell you this, you do not have to have all the answers about love and life in order to love and live!  Just do it for god’s sake!  Do it as best you can.  Love everyone and every experience that comes your way.  You will never regret having loved.  If you feel regret for having loved someone who did not love you back as you hoped, maybe there is another way to love that person without your expectation of the way it should be.  I don’t know how it will be for you, but I know each of us must keep loving and finding new ways to express love.  Otherwise, we are not truly living.

Cheryl Strayed pulled absolutely no punches in her advice.  She hit so hard it must have felt like literally being hit in the stomach for some of those who wrote to her.  It certainly knotted my stomach more than once. But, and this is a big but, she never attempted to belittle the writers no matter how apparently stupid, unforgiving or judgmental their attitude may have been.  And she always caressed softly with her words the tender spots they exposed so that each person could be receptive enough to fully consider the possibilities within their particular challenge.

I wish I could be as clear and caring and direct with love in my writing as Sugar is.  Maybe it is because I am a retired person living alone that this writer has come into my life.  I certainly feel uplifted and blessed by having her work in my library and in my consciousness.  Maybe you would like her too.

A Postscript Regarding Our Opportunity To Love Once Again

After writing this piece we all experienced the tragedy in Aurora, Colorado where 70 persons were shot and 12 died while attending the midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises.  There is no way to deal with this horrible experience except to reach deep within our souls and find the strength of love that reaches out to enfold the families, friends and rescuers who need all the support we can give.  It is not a time to rant, rave or judge the aspects of this event.  Ultimately, there will be much discussion about many things that right now do not deserve our attention.  What is needed now is LOVE.  Love in your own way.  Surround Aurora with the light of your loving care and concern.  The members of this community will need our support for months to come, some even longer.  Love those who gave their lives to protect others whom they loved.  Love those who remain knowing the cost of that love.  LOVE!

Passive Aggressive Behavior

Growing up in a home where I seldom witnessed the expression of anger, I was taught by example and more directly that a person should not express negativity.  “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all,” was the household mantra.  Seems to make sense to a fresh young mind that has not yet been filled with the countless choices for responding to the behavior of others not brought up under the same set of rules.  I was taught that a person should use reason in arguments rather than emotion.  Again, that seemed a sensible alternative to getting the living daylights beat out of me by the neighborhood bully.  “Turn the other cheek” definitely did not work out too well for me!

As I grew older and more observant of what went on around me, I recognized that the anger in my home had simply been visibly suppressed for the most part.  It was still there and there were occasions where I did witness angry verbal exchanges.  Fortunately, there was no physical abuse in my home among any of the family members that I knew of.  Sadly, many families with anger issues cannot make that claim.  I learned by anecdote that my brother was subject to some corporal punishment.  He was the first born and arrived at a time of severe economic stress to young parents probably ill fitted for marriage.  (This is a conclusion I came to as an adult long after my parents ended their twenty-five plus years of marriage.)

So, here I am today, a person who almost without exception refuses to fight with others.  In some cases that even means “I don’t want to talk about it.”  This behavior is considered passive-aggressive.   Those who DO like to fight because that is how they learned to get their anger out of their physical bodies have applied that label to me on occasion.  I don’t like labels especially when they are used in a dismissive manner.  To me that is no better than assumed passive-aggressive behavior.  I literally wilt and become immobilized by hateful verbal attacks.  When faced with such behavior, I find that I have not developed the proper tools to engage in successful resolution.  I tend to withdraw and try to gather some more positive sense of myself.  I have discovered this only make the other person even angrier!  It is a “lose/lose” situation.

It isn’t that I have not attempted to learn how to “fight fairly” when confronted with verbal attacks, often directed at me as a person rather than at my perceived behavior.  I have come to an “interim” conclusion that I cannot effectively communicate with someone playing by a different set of rules.  If rage is what was learned, then rage tends to become the manner by which differences are confronted.  To those of us brought up under rules of non-aggressive behavior, we will lose every time unless we learn how to engage others in some middle ground of agreement.

I wish I could tell you that my long years of experience in working with others who had many types of problems has taught me how to better handle my own.  Of course, I have learned many positive ways of dealing with my issues, but I have not yet learned to effectively deal with the rage of others directed toward me.  I can only say that I am glad such cases are very few and far between.

You may have noticed the absence of any mention of the part love plays in resolving issues between persons.  That is partly due to the fact that it is a subject worthy of its own essay.  That said, love is an all-important part of any process of resolution.  Without love there can be no recognition of the intrinsic value of the other human being with whom there is some inharmony.  It is through the eyes of love that we see through the discord to the real person who is currently feeling hurt or unloved.  That is the starting point, I believe, for wanting to work things out, to want peace and good will.  There may be things no two people will agree on, but that does not mean love has to be absent from the relationship.

Finally, as to the subject of passive-aggressive behavior, my research has shown that few people can escape this label at some point in their lives.  So much for the “label.”  Time to get on about developing patience, forgiveness, acceptance and love, all of which are necessary for harmony to exist.

The Set of the Sails

In 1916 Ella Wheeler Wilcox wrote the poem in which she tells us:

One ship sails East,
And another West,
By the self-same winds that blow,
'Tis the set of the sails
And not the gales,
That tells the way we go.

I don’t know when I was first impressed with her thoughts, but I know it was in my early years, perhaps when I first started studying metaphysics.  I also seem to remember it being recited to me by my mother, who had also studied metaphysical thought.  It became a personal mantra as I began my ministerial career.

Today, the poem came to mind again, one of those “out of the blue” moments.  I found myself thinking about persons I have known who seem to have an inordinate number of crises in their lives, and who never had the opportunity to imbed the philosophy of self-direction.  It is difficult, if not impossible, to lead them to consider how they could take more control in their lives and thus have better outcomes during times of challenge.  Actually, unless one is a qualified psychologist or therapist, it is probably not your responsibility to point this out to anyone.

My point is that I have to continue to remind myself of this principle of self-determination.  It is not easy.  When something goes wrong it is much easier to place the blame on circumstances “beyond our control” or, worse, to blame another person.  I am reminded of a professor who used to take advantage of every opportunity to remind his students that, “when you point a finger at someone else, three are pointed back at you!”  After hearing this in many of his classes, I would find myself chuckling at it as if to simply dismiss it as a platitude, not really meant to make a difference in one’s life.

The truth is, for me at least, that it really does make a difference.  If we always find some way to make someone else responsible for our problems, it is unlikely we will ever come to a point of feeling we can change the way things are.  Conversely, if we accept that we have much more control over our lives than we may think, we can begin to see ways we can actually do something to bring about successful results.  One thing is for sure, as long as you feel you don’t have the power to change your life, you won’t.

We have all recently witnessed the tragic 9.0 earthquake and subsequent tsunami in Japan.  As if that was not enough terror “beyond their control,” then came the nuclear reactors failing endangering the populace with radiation poisoning.  News reports of how the people of Japan met these disasters ranges the whole gamut of emotions, but it was also clear that the Japanese culture is one that places personal responsibility high on their list of priorities.  This does not mean they are responsible for the challenges.  It is a case of their accepting the responsibility to choose how they react.  They worked together to assist others even when they had nothing left of their own.  Brave men chose to be on the front lines fighting the reactor melt down.  This is how you take responsibility for your life (while at the same time helping others).

Hopefully, we will not have to face such dramatic events where our actions become reactions based on the personal belief systems we have already developed.  Wherever each of us is right now, we can begin to build the “I Can” attitude about the simple events we experience, like hurt feelings, broken promises, unmet expectations.  In each of these cases we can decide how we will respond.  Each time we choose not to react and strike out at those we may have felt were responsible for the actions, we get stronger in our sense of self-reliance.  From that strength we can express love and forgiveness.

Tis the set of the sail.

Getting Beyond “I don’t WANT to.”

A number of weeks ago a friend sent me a saying she liked and thought I might.  It was:

I don’t WANT to,

I don’t HAVE to,

You can’t MAKE me . . .

I’M RETIRED!!!

Maybe it was because it resonated with my frame of mind at the time, but I DID like it.  In fact, I immediately made it into a small poster, printed it and posted it on the wall in front of my computer where I saw it every time I was at the keyboard.

One of the reasons it resonated with me at the time was the fact of the growing discord in our societal “conversations.”  It seemed to me no one was listening to anyone else.  We each were shouting our opinions as though we were the only voice that counted. These were not only the voices of individuals, family members and friends, but also of the media and the politicians. The fact is that they had long since ceased to be “conversations” and were, for the most part, simply diatribes of complaint and finger-pointing.  I definitely didn’t WANT to continue being part of that frustration, but I was!

Then, this morning I received one of those innocuous email forwards.  At first I thought, “Here’s another one!”  The email referred the reader to a blog page, “Confessions of A Confetti Head.”  The first paragraph got me.

Where does REAL personal change come from? You know, the kind that puts you into a tailspin with profound “AHAs.” The kind that after you come back to Earth, you say, “WOW! That was AMAZING!” and from that moment on, you are different. You are different in ways that you may have struggled with for years, or even your entire life.

As I read on I discovered that the author had many degrees, had become certified in many human potential techniques, and yet still felt a distinct schism in her psyche.  With all she knew about living and how well qualified she felt to live life fully, she also “struggled with a dual experience of myself as dynamic and capable on one hand and invisible, unworthy, and less than on the other hand.”   I could also identify with those feelings of a strange inadequacy to really make a difference, to be heard above the din of angry confrontation and lack of civility. Who wants to listen to me?  (Also, who do I want to listen to?)

Personally, I have found myself echoing and believing the “I don’t want to” attitude about life.   What’s the use, I thought.  It is not a pleasant place to be when that is the way one thinks and feels about life.  In that place you feel like a voice crying in the wilderness, hoping the deaf will hear and the blind will see.  They don’t and they won’t as long as we cannot respect and accept our differences.  If this country stands for anything, it is the rights of each of us to be whom we are, and to recognize that right in every other American.  Remember, we ALL came from somewhere else (except for the Native Americans).

Somehow, I thought to myself, I have to get beyond these feelings of not wanting to participate in a world gone crazy.  I cannot hide away in a cave (as much as I would like to at times) and pretend there is nothing to be done, no way to make things better.  I do know I cannot change anyone else.  Great gravy!  It’s almost impossible to change myself.  What in the world makes me think I should even want to try to change anyone else?

I cannot help but remember an experience I had years ago that provided a profound example of what can happen when one decides to change his/her attitude.  I had felt deeply hurt by a situation that occurred.  I felt so angry that I defiantly told myself I didn’t even want to want forgive the other person.  Over a period of time working on that situation I came to a point where I realized I wanted to want to forgive the person.  Finally, I wanted to.  At last, after much work in prayer an objectively discussing the problem with those whose opinions I valued, I did forgive!  In that moment I was totally free from the negative power of the original event.

I wish I could say that overcoming that situation took me beyond ever feeling hurt again or angry and unforgiving.  It didn’t.  Life is not a matter of overcoming one situation and forever being free of challenges.  The most we can expect from meeting a challenge is to understand the process fully enough to use that knowledge to meet subsequent challenges. 

There is only one way, really, to get beyond “I don’t WANT to”.  You have to WANT to.  That is where real personal and societal change will come from.  It is my hope that our society will get beyond the anger and frustration that so many feel.  I suspect that once the midterm elections are over and the politicians have little more to gain from milking the adversity to their advantage that things will settle down for a month or so.  Of course, then the REAL election effort begins and we can return to accusing one party or the other of misleading us, being dishonest, baiting the divisive tendencies in those subject to such efforts and generally further destabilizing our sense of connectedness.  You see where this is going, right?

Living Into 2009

My “email” friend, SpiritWarriorSky, has shared with his readers a thought that struck me as profoundly simple and at the same time absolutely to the point of working for peace within our smallest groups, our families, and in the world as a whole. I’d like to share it with you.

There are no easy answers for what lies ahead in 2009. We simply need to live into the questions as best we can. If we each do the right thing as often as possible even our enemies will recognize that love and forgiveness are answers because, in the end, an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind (Attributed to Mahatma Gandhi). Let us each find grace amidst the squall so all can live in comfort with love . . . . Sky

Unresolved Anger

As I lay semi-conscious before falling asleep I suddenly found myself in a fantasy dialogue with a friend to whom I had long ago sent an article having to do with the interpretation of some ancient scrolls that had finally been deciphered. The friend wrote back with a point-by-point debate about the findings. I thought at the time, “Okay, so you have a different opinion about the matter,” and I let it go.

Then the old “feel-o-meter” began to hit the red zone in my fantasy dialogue. My response to my friend went something like this, “Wait a minute! I wasn’t asking for a debate on Biblical authenticity. I just thought you would be interested in the article. You don’t have to prove your scholarship to me, and I sure as hell don’t have to prove mine to you!”

Bam! There it was. Strong feelings of anger that I didn’t even know I had about a long past situation. Obviously I had a “load” about his dismissal of my effort to share something I thought would be of interest. Frankly, I was a bit taken aback that I had these strong feelings of anger, especially since the experience was a number of years ago and I had not thought of it since. This is a great example of how the “little foxes spoil the vines,” as Jesus pointed out in a parable.

I would not suggest that we necessarily dig around in our subconscious looking for slights that we may have experienced in the past or suppressed anger. However, I certainly encourage examining such feelings when they do surface. As long as we do not face the reality of hidden, suppressed anger, it will slowly eat away at our very being. We may find ourselves expressing strong feelings that are out of proportion to a current situation but which are the release of those pent up past experiences.

When such feelings surface, it is time to consciously acknowledge them and seek to replace them with forgiveness, where necessary, and love for and acceptance of each person’s individuality. If you find your “feel-o-meter” hitting the red zone apparently out of the blue, consider it a blessing that has come to you so you can finish up the unresolved anger. This is part of learning to let it go!

Usefulness Vs. Uselessness

(This article originally appeared Monday, February 13, 2006 in the WLLC blog.)

I am not entirely sure where I am going with this thought, but it occurred to me while I was in a vulnerable space and it just hung onto my brain cells. The way it hit me was that many folks at times feel themselves to be “useless.” They may feel that way because they feel unappreciated, underutilized or simply out of step with whatever is going on in their lives at the time. It is a decidedly different feeling than one of usefulness, where you do feel appreciated and participatory in what is going on.

What I have come to realize is that both feelings are self-generated. They are not externally imposed upon us, even if we are awakened to those feelings by something someone has said or done “to” us. Each of us has a choice in the way we respond to situations and conditions in our lives. Too often, however, we feel put upon. We simply will not rise above feelings of uselessness or unworthiness as long as we place the control over those emotions in the hands of someone else.

It is difficult to face ourselves realistically at times. We may fear that to admit to a lack of understanding about an issue, or a difference of opinion will somehow make us a lesser person in the eyes of someone whose opinion we value. So, we begin to think that maybe, just maybe, we aren’t as up to snuff as we thought we were. This pattern of thought, if maintained, inevitably leads us to despair and self-deprecation—uselessness.

The truth is we are not useless. We are spiritual beings. We do have a purpose and we can discover that purpose and bring it into fruition. Take back the reigns that control the direction of your life. Recognize your positive traits and skills. Recognize your vision, your faith. When you begin this positive journey, you will feel support from all directions. Believe in yourself and others will believe in you as well.

Follow up: September 19, 2007

When I reviewed some of my past writings and came to the one above, I realized how appropriate it is to my current situation. The first thing I realized was that it shows that once we overcome some issue in our lives, or come to understand it better, we are not necessarily finished with it. Sometimes the same or very similar issues arise that remind us we still have work to do.

Such was the case for me when I recently met with my counselor. I was confronted with the realization that I had allowed myself to express a preemptive “dig” at someone in order to put up a “protective” shield against being hurt again by the person with whom I had been experiencing frustration and helplessness (a type of uselessness!).

This is an example of how we can let our fears lead us into actions that only exacerbate the original problem. Such fears seem so real to us that we actually believe we are unloved and undeserving of being valued as a person. When we feel that way, we try to “protect” ourselves from hurt through any means available. This is how we self-generate the feelings of uselessness.

No matter how much we think another person may feel we are undeserving, we must regain the true image of ourselves. Sometimes it may take the support of a friend or family member, or a counselor for us to remember we are spiritual beings. Our purpose is to express the highest and best that is within us; the love, understanding and forgiveness—of self and others—of which we are capable. The power of our spiritual self never leaves us, though we may, for a time, neglect it and fail to acknowledge it. It is like a darkened room suddenly exposed by the turning on of the light switch. Now everything that was already there is revealed. Our willingness to believe in ourselves is the switch that illumines our soul revealing our spiritual power and strength. I am reaching for that switch right now!