Burying and Planting

In my morning reading I came across these words in, “The Book Of Awakening,” by Mark Nepo:

There is very little difference between burying and planting.  For often, we need to put dead things to rest, so that new life can grow.  And further, the thing put to rest – whether it be a loved one, a dream, or a false way of seeing – becomes the fertilizer for the life about to form.  As the well-used thing joins with the earth, the old love fertilizes the new; the broken dream fertilizes the dream yet conceived; the painful way of being that strapped us to the world fertilizes the freer inner stance about to unfold.

Having just come inside from working early in my yard, trimming, watering and observing what needs to be done in the process of removing the weeds and making way for whatever I decide to grow in their places, this quote seemed more than appropriate.  In the spring many things that have rested through the winter and seem dead, now begin their transformation.  Without the “dying” there can be no “rebirth.”

How true this is in our lives.  We need to recognize those things that have served their usefulness and bury them in the earth of regeneration so that what is to come next can evolve.  Just as we do a spring housecleaning and clear away the items we no longer need so we can begin fresh with the new items that bring us renewed joy and satisfaction, so we might well find time to clean our mental/emotional house.  Now is a good time to recognize how your life has changed, how things that used to be important do not seem so important today.  Instead, your mind, free of the used up energy of the past, is re-energized with new creative ideas, dreams and possibilities.

As we continue our journey through life, many things are let go in order to freely move forward.  Sometimes we find new friends taking the place of others to whom we may no longer feel connected.  Of course, we will always have those special persons in our lives.  We are always connected to them no matter what other changes we may go through and no matter how separated we may be geographically.  Sometimes, however, we may fail to recognize what isn’t working for us any longer.  Until we come to a place of recognizing and letting go of those “dead” things we cannot fully be awakened to the new life.

I would first suggest examining those things we have an inordinate sense of “needing.”  When we are desperate about clinging or holding on to something that seems to want to leave us, it may be time to bury it and plant a new dream, a new goal, a new social experience—whatever is moving in your creative consciousness.  Innately, I believe, we know what we need to do to change our lives.  Often, it is simply a matter of giving ourselves permission to change.

In a conversation I had with my neighbor this morning I mentioned trying to determine what I want to do with my flower garden.  It seems to me that the previous owner had what my neighbor called, “an eclectic garden plan.”  Whatever she liked went into the ground.  I cannot make sense of it, nor determine if it was “planned” or freely evolved on its own.  In any case, as pretty as it is, I have to bury some of what is there so I can develop the garden that satisfies my plan, my dream.  I think it is going to be fun.  Even though I feel like I am “killing” the plants that I need to let go of, somehow I think they are willing to become the fertilizer for the birth of new beauty.  We will see!

Getting Beyond “I don’t WANT to.”

A number of weeks ago a friend sent me a saying she liked and thought I might.  It was:

I don’t WANT to,

I don’t HAVE to,

You can’t MAKE me . . .

I’M RETIRED!!!

Maybe it was because it resonated with my frame of mind at the time, but I DID like it.  In fact, I immediately made it into a small poster, printed it and posted it on the wall in front of my computer where I saw it every time I was at the keyboard.

One of the reasons it resonated with me at the time was the fact of the growing discord in our societal “conversations.”  It seemed to me no one was listening to anyone else.  We each were shouting our opinions as though we were the only voice that counted. These were not only the voices of individuals, family members and friends, but also of the media and the politicians. The fact is that they had long since ceased to be “conversations” and were, for the most part, simply diatribes of complaint and finger-pointing.  I definitely didn’t WANT to continue being part of that frustration, but I was!

Then, this morning I received one of those innocuous email forwards.  At first I thought, “Here’s another one!”  The email referred the reader to a blog page, “Confessions of A Confetti Head.”  The first paragraph got me.

Where does REAL personal change come from? You know, the kind that puts you into a tailspin with profound “AHAs.” The kind that after you come back to Earth, you say, “WOW! That was AMAZING!” and from that moment on, you are different. You are different in ways that you may have struggled with for years, or even your entire life.

As I read on I discovered that the author had many degrees, had become certified in many human potential techniques, and yet still felt a distinct schism in her psyche.  With all she knew about living and how well qualified she felt to live life fully, she also “struggled with a dual experience of myself as dynamic and capable on one hand and invisible, unworthy, and less than on the other hand.”   I could also identify with those feelings of a strange inadequacy to really make a difference, to be heard above the din of angry confrontation and lack of civility. Who wants to listen to me?  (Also, who do I want to listen to?)

Personally, I have found myself echoing and believing the “I don’t want to” attitude about life.   What’s the use, I thought.  It is not a pleasant place to be when that is the way one thinks and feels about life.  In that place you feel like a voice crying in the wilderness, hoping the deaf will hear and the blind will see.  They don’t and they won’t as long as we cannot respect and accept our differences.  If this country stands for anything, it is the rights of each of us to be whom we are, and to recognize that right in every other American.  Remember, we ALL came from somewhere else (except for the Native Americans).

Somehow, I thought to myself, I have to get beyond these feelings of not wanting to participate in a world gone crazy.  I cannot hide away in a cave (as much as I would like to at times) and pretend there is nothing to be done, no way to make things better.  I do know I cannot change anyone else.  Great gravy!  It’s almost impossible to change myself.  What in the world makes me think I should even want to try to change anyone else?

I cannot help but remember an experience I had years ago that provided a profound example of what can happen when one decides to change his/her attitude.  I had felt deeply hurt by a situation that occurred.  I felt so angry that I defiantly told myself I didn’t even want to want forgive the other person.  Over a period of time working on that situation I came to a point where I realized I wanted to want to forgive the person.  Finally, I wanted to.  At last, after much work in prayer an objectively discussing the problem with those whose opinions I valued, I did forgive!  In that moment I was totally free from the negative power of the original event.

I wish I could say that overcoming that situation took me beyond ever feeling hurt again or angry and unforgiving.  It didn’t.  Life is not a matter of overcoming one situation and forever being free of challenges.  The most we can expect from meeting a challenge is to understand the process fully enough to use that knowledge to meet subsequent challenges. 

There is only one way, really, to get beyond “I don’t WANT to”.  You have to WANT to.  That is where real personal and societal change will come from.  It is my hope that our society will get beyond the anger and frustration that so many feel.  I suspect that once the midterm elections are over and the politicians have little more to gain from milking the adversity to their advantage that things will settle down for a month or so.  Of course, then the REAL election effort begins and we can return to accusing one party or the other of misleading us, being dishonest, baiting the divisive tendencies in those subject to such efforts and generally further destabilizing our sense of connectedness.  You see where this is going, right?

Inspiration For Change

I came across this quote in an email a friend sent me. It seemed familiar but I am not sure where I may have seen it before. The author was not identified.

"Those who matter don't judge me .... those who judge me don't matter."

As I often do, I searched Google for authorship. This quote was on almost everyone’s list of favorites, but no one seemed able to identify the source.

What I found interesting was how many web sites and blogs there are out there that are dedicated to sharing quotes that have made people feel better about their lives and their world. I am going to share a few for those of you who are interested.

The Old Guy Rules: http://www.theoldguyrules.com/motivationalpage.htm

Quotes to Inspire: http://richineverysense.blogspot.com/

Inspiring Quotes: http://www.helium.com/items/1348106-life-quotes

Inspiration for Change: http://www.heartsandminds.org/quotes/quotes.htm

These are but a few so if you don’t find something you like here, just Google: Inspiring Quotes.

Have an enjoyable search, and better yet, find the words that motivate you to bring about the changes in your life that your heart desires.

A Time For Reflection

(I will be on sabbatical until further notice)

Every once in awhile it seems to be necessary to take some time off from whatever we have been doing so that we might assess those things and re-evaluate how they contribute to our lives. There is a cumulative effect of events in our lives like the rolling waves of the ocean hitting the shore. Slowly, wave-by-wave, the shoreline is changed. In quieter times the sands are built up, the beach becomes softer and enjoyable. In stormy times the beach erodes exposing buried rocks and logs and all sorts of things formerly unseen. Life is like that. Every day the waves of events crash upon the shores of our being and we discover the changes that are occurring. We cannot, do not, fight the onslaught of the waves because we understand the natural process. However, we often do attempt to fight the onslaught of events in our lives that begin to expose aspects of our selves that have been covered by the quieter times. That fight is often futile.

I have come to a point where I am beginning to observe my life differently. I am raising new questions about who I am and how I got to where I am. I am trying to assess and re-evaluate the events of my life for any new insights I might find as the waves first build and then erode the features that I consider to be the shores of my being. This review includes not only the examination of my beliefs, thoughts, feelings and actions, but also what I have observed in the character and behaviors of others in my life who have also contributed in some way to my view of self.

This might be a major effort on my part, at least it seems that way to me from my current perspective. Because I firmly believe that I need this time of reflection and introspection, I intend to drop out for awhile and go back to some physical places that have served as a source of energy and insight in the past. I expect to spend time on the beaches where I have over the years watched the tides bring dramatic change to the shores. I hope to let those tides bring a fresh vision of who I am and what I am here to do in my remaining time in this life experience.

I have no idea of how much time I need. It may be a day. It may be a month. It may even be forever! All I know is that until I can wrap my mind and heart around this thing I call my life I am in no condition to be offering supposed insights to others. So, this will be my last posting until the lightening strikes in such a way that it is clear to me that I have learned something worth talking about.

I appreciate the interest of those of you who have followed LifeCentering. I hope to be back with a renewed view of life and maybe more certainty regarding what it is all about!


P.S.
Before I even posted this article, I decided to check out from the library a book that has come to my attention through two different sources recently: Women Who Run With Wolves, by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. I had barely read the cover notes and introduction when I realized my journey had begun! The deep sense of emotional disorientation and the search of singing over the bones has revealed a beginning point that resonated with an inner search that has been tickling my attention for some time. I immediately ordered a copy of the book for myself. I think you will hear much more about this when I return!