From the Public Page of my Private Journal 

The thought simply slipped from within the shadows of my mind . . .

 I think it is time to leave.

     Death.  We try as hard as we can to not think about it as though not thinking about it keeps it from knocking at our door.

    Of course, the specter from those shadows comes to the door of each of us at some point like it or not.

    Perhaps it is natural that at my age of 83 (now 90) I should find myself considering the shape of things to come.  Change comes at the blinking of an eye—whether it is ten minutes from now or ten years.  I am ready.

    There are things left undone.  How few of us truly wrap up loose ends in our lives before we change, before we move on to whatever awaits us at the turning of the page.  I have pledged to do as my mother had done, return as many things as she could to the people who had blessed her with them as gifts.  At her passing she was truly free of the burdens of things.  My pledge is so far unfulfilled, but I pledge to keep at it.

    I long ago developed my philosophy of afterlife reality.  I am satisfied that the beliefs I have come to are completely workable for me.  Those beliefs are shaped mainly by eastern religious philosophy.  For many years I have felt that so-called Christians had so diluted and polluted the teachings of Jesus as to make what is left bare threads of what his life truly represented.  Enough said about that.

    If I have regrets, and I do, they come from decisions made that were not so well thought out as I had believed.  Some of those decisions have caused harm to others.  Some, naturally, have benefited others as well as my own life.  I will stand judged not by some far off God, but by my own conscience, which I am certain may be harsher than a loving god would pronounce upon me.

    Not a day goes by that I do not give thanks for the life I have been blessed to live.  I consider myself most fortunate to have survived despite everything I have done to distract me from a course that might have been.  I may leave little trace of my presence this time around.  I will know, and I do, what I have accomplished.  I feel satisfied that I have contributed to the world in which I live, though few may ever know what that has been.

    Finally, I thank all of you who have walked, at least for a time, with me on the path.  You have given me more than you know, probably because I have failed to tell you so.  I tell you now with love and a grateful heart: Thank you!

    Comes also from the shadows of my mind the thought . . .

 Love never fails.

(Reposted from May 20, 2018)

The Journey of Being Alive

I am not sure when it happened, but this morning I became aware that it had.

I am sitting on the sidelines of life.  I have become a spectator.  I am not even commenting currently on what I see or sense.

Wow!  Never thought this day would come.

Living alone for over 20 years can cause one to become introspective and reclusive.

Again, I don’t know exactly when it happened.  I just know that it did.

There is no rule that I know of that says you have to become withdrawn and lonely simply because you are alone.  Circumstances are not what make us who we are or do whatever it is that we do—or don’t do. 

What I believe I have come to realize is that I have allowed myself to respond to circumstances with an increasing degree of skepticism and frustration over not being able to change things more to my liking.

Then, some days after penning the words above, I discovered in the words of one of my favorite authors, Mark Nepo, in The Book of Awakening a kindred spirit.  He told of a poetry reading he was doing in New York City when he encountered an angry young man that had just witnessed a woman being mugged.  The young man was so angry he wrote a poem on the spot.  Another person attending the event called out, “Yeah, it sure beats stopping the mugging.”  Mark went on to write:

The story points up, painfully, how living in our thoughts removes us from the very real journey of being alive.  To always analyze and problem solve and observe and criticize what we encounter turns our brains into heavy calluses.  Rather than opening us deeper into the mystery of living, the over-trained intellect becomes a buffer from experience.

Well, those thoughts immediately clicked for me.  For a number of years I have been observing from the sidelines, analyzing the variety of events that puzzle and upset many of us.  My way of dealing with the upset was to write critically, often, about those events and the all too apparent lack of judgment being expressed by others.   This process is not living.  It is observing. It is judging.  Seldom, if ever, will we find satisfaction in simply observing and criticizing events.  It makes no difference, really, if our judgments are sound.  Making a difference comes from what one does, not what one sees.

Here is where I can tell myself that I have had many years of actively engaging in life during my careers, first as a minister and later as an employee of a Fortune 500 company.  In both of these careers I found ways to move my observations into actions that helped change some conditions.  The doing of whatever I could brought a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.

Unfortunately, following retirement, my doing was mostly limited to writing about my observations.  Of course, I believe my writing was an appropriate way for me to move beyond simply being discontented with events.  Still, as time has proceeded I have been less satisfied that writing has served a broader useful purpose.  That is why I suddenly had the realization that I had become a bystander.  In some respects I was not much different from the young man who wrote an angry poem about a woman being mugged rather that attempting to stop the mugging.

I suppose I am expected to say here that not everyone should jump into the fray and try to physically set things right.  That does not satisfy me in the least. We have had so many occasions through the years where people just stood by doing nothing while some tragedy was taking place.  In these days of instant communication, we find so many using their phones to take pictures of events.  I wonder though how many think to call 911 or rush to the aid of a person in trouble.  Yes, I know, some do.

Finally, my point is that to live we must be engaged on some level.  Each person will decide for him/herself what he or she can do.  Once we have decided how we will be engaged in life, we must do it.  It may even be that whatever you are doing is already exactly the right thing for you to do.  No one can decide for you.  Getting beyond analyzing or just thinking about it does seem to be an important step to take.

Apparently I became a spectator without realizing it.  Now that I see that I will seek to find ways to be more engaged in living.  I will probably continue to write.  It’s what I do.  I will also get out of myself more and socially engage.  (This is difficult for me, in case you wondered.)  Maybe I will take that trip I keep thinking about (even though I don’t have a particular destination in mind).  I encourage you to find your own way to engage in life here and now.  Let’s enjoy life together!

Inspiration For Change

I came across this quote in an email a friend sent me. It seemed familiar but I am not sure where I may have seen it before. The author was not identified.

"Those who matter don't judge me .... those who judge me don't matter."

As I often do, I searched Google for authorship. This quote was on almost everyone’s list of favorites, but no one seemed able to identify the source.

What I found interesting was how many web sites and blogs there are out there that are dedicated to sharing quotes that have made people feel better about their lives and their world. I am going to share a few for those of you who are interested.

The Old Guy Rules: http://www.theoldguyrules.com/motivationalpage.htm

Quotes to Inspire: http://richineverysense.blogspot.com/

Inspiring Quotes: http://www.helium.com/items/1348106-life-quotes

Inspiration for Change: http://www.heartsandminds.org/quotes/quotes.htm

These are but a few so if you don’t find something you like here, just Google: Inspiring Quotes.

Have an enjoyable search, and better yet, find the words that motivate you to bring about the changes in your life that your heart desires.

Feedback

(Otherwise known as criticism)

I am very fortunate to have a few friends who, upon reading one of my articles, feel completely free enough to give me feedback (advice) as to their response. I gratefully accept the feedback and often find the advice helpful in continuing to frame my efforts at growth and personal overcoming of issues in my life.

There is an old adage that says, “silence means consent.” After “Googling” this phrase I found numerous uses for it. However, what intrigues me is what is being consented to? Is the lack of response an indication that the ideas presented are just another ranting of a “whacko?” Is the silence recognition that some part or all of the idea is an exaggeration that does not fit anyone? Or, is the silence the acceptance of some theme that is recognized as common to many of us? How in the world does one know?

Ah, but there are those who dare to speak from their own hearts, whether it be in agreement or in lively discussion of opposing views. In this response there is hope for greater understanding for all parties in the discussion. Most of us read and find ourselves mentally or emotionally agreeing or disagreeing with the ideas presented. We may find a measure of enlightenment through the inner dialogue initiated by the reading.

Feedback can be a powerful beginning to broader understanding of a subject. Being willing to examine feedback can begin the process of opening the mind to yet another way of viewing an issue. Finally, however, feedback becomes most useful, in my opinion, when it motivates a person to behave differently as a result of the broader understanding. What do I do differently after receiving feedback that broadens my viewpoint? Do I listen more closely to others? Am I slower to react to the apparent judgment of others toward me? Am I more helpful or encouraging to those who need a lift up?

Each of us determines how we will respond to feedback that comes our way as a result of something we have said or done. Getting angry or feeling hurt by the criticism (feedback) from others will only make things worse. If we can look at feedback as informative rather than a judgment, the chances are good that we will benefit from a change in our behavior in some way. Such a change can result in more harmony, peace of mind and general well-being in life. Taking appropriate time to evaluate our feedback also gives us time to more appropriately consider the source.