Who or What Is At My Door?

At the recent Peace Convocation Master Djwhal Khul suggested that our every experience is a door and that as we pass through that door we will see Who or What is showing up to offer us a learning experience.  All too often, however, we are more concerned with what appears in the doorway than in what the opportunity may be.

As we work our way through life seeking to better understand who we are and what our purpose is in this experience, we always hope that when we open the door a messenger of glad tidings will appear to grant us some gift for the good job we have done so far.  While there may be a gift to be received, we usually find it in a container wrapped in papers and obscured from easy view.  Until we actually clear away the wrapping and explore the container, we cannot see what the gift is.  Sometimes our expectations of what is in the container get in the way of enjoying what we finally discover our gift to be.

For example, I have found that as I have worked my way through a tangle of family relationships over the last several years I came to expect that when I opened the door everything would be just fine.  There would be smiles and hugs and joy in greeting each other as if arriving for a gala family reunion.  My expectation of how that would appear got in the way of seeing what was actually there—a tentative, but deliberate beginning to see each other in a new way rather than in the old and negative way that had begun the tangled web of unhappiness.

I understand the positive thinking aspect of expecting the good.  I accept the importance of building such positive attitudes in order to develop a consciousness of attraction.  I also understand that sometimes what we think of as expecting the good goes no further than being excited about the wrapping paper on the box concealing what our real experience is all about.

So, Who or What is really showing up at my door?  Are my buttons still being pushed by the presence or actions of others?  What is that telling me?  How am I going to take the next steps to resolve the karma in this situation and with these persons?  I can only conclude at this time with the degree of understanding I currently have, that only unconditional love is the answer.  Unconditional love is not based on what the other person does.  Unconditional love flows outward to bathe all persons and all situations with the bliss of knowing no power can quench it, no wall can withstand it, no heart can fail to embrace it.  It is not my job to figure out how that will be.  It is my job to welcome Who and What is at my door with that flow of love and joy.

The “Conditions” of “Unconditional Love”

Let me state at the outset there really are no conditions, yet we consider time, place, person, merit and a variety of other things as important in deciding to love someone. Even to say “regardless” of such and such is a condition.

I have been examining the concept of unconditional love a great deal in the last several months. My immediate family is a complete dysfunctional disaster! Member by member it has broken apart. Under the supposed auspices of “tough love” or “unconditional love” (with conditions) children have been thrown out into the world, parents have been disparaged and maligned. A total lack of effort to understand another or consider a situation from the other person’s viewpoint, has led to fragmentation.

As I look at my “family” now I realize it really does not exist in any real form. It is not simply that geographically we are spread all over the country. It is more the gulfs of discontent and hurt feelings that separate us. I have pretty much determined that I no longer have any family. I do not expect a change from my daughter and it is highly unlikely that my son will feel any further connection with me. I realize that these negative attitudes can be self-fulfilling and am working on transforming them into something positive. I constantly try to “listen” to the suggestions by my therapist about only taking actions or saying things that best model appropriate parental behavior. In other words, what best exemplifies the way a parent can support his/her children without at the same time giving up any sense of drawing a line over which they cannot pass in their emotional abuse. To what degree can I exhibit positive behavior and still feel safe in relationship with them?

On numerous occasions—on a daily basis—I have attempted to find the words to tell my children how much I love them, but after only a few sentences I find myself relying on the “conditions” for loving them. I have not resolved this and that is part of why I cannot yet write the letter expressing my love for them. I am still acutely afraid of the rejection and the ridicule that most likely would be sent my way, whether actually or only in their own minds.

What are some of the conditions that I find myself expressing? I suspect I am not alone in recognizing some of these. The biggie for many of us is determining who is at fault. “I could forgive you if only you would admit what you did was wrong.” Or perhaps it goes like this, “If you would quit blaming your upbringing for your not feeling loved, you would see that you are loveable.” Maybe for you it is, “If you were just a little more patient you might understand me better. Or, “If you would just try to communicate without judging me.”

These are just a few of the conditions that may be limiting our ability to express love unconditionally. Loving someone is just THAT! Love IS. It is that feeling of connection that transcends reasons. The minute we love someone BECAUSE, we have placed a condition upon that love. If the cause for loving them changes, then what about the love based upon that cause? You can see immediately, I hope, how complex the issue of loving unconditionally can be. However, the complexity is not in the concept, but in the interpretations and conditions we place upon the expression of the concept.

In my heart I am clear about loving my children, for example, without any conditions. In my heart that is relatively easy. As I look at my experiences with my son and daughter I realize that much of the water that has gone under the bridge in our relationships has been murky, sometimes flowing freely and other times stuck in the endless eddies that just keep going around in circles. For one reason or another we seem to get stuck in some memory or frustration or unfulfilled hopes and dreams. Breaking free of these backwater eddies is not usually accomplished by pretending we are not stuck. Often it takes a flash flood of some kind to break us loose from those limiting conditions. Even then, if we do not take advantage of the new freedom by changing our outlook, seeking to improve our state of mind and being, we can easily fall back into the eddies of limitation before we know it.

I continue my effort to understand and fully express unconditional love in all of my relationships with others, but in particular with my children. I will continue my efforts to put into words the essence of my unconditional love so I can tangibly share it with them when the time is right. I will remind myself daily that there are no conditions for unconditional love.