The Pretender

I have had the opportunity to meet people in all walks of life. Each person has had some impact on the values I have developed.  As I allowed my mind to wander through the past years and the variety of people I have encountered, I discovered that some were what I shall call “pretenders.”

The “Pretender” is a person who by his/her actions demonstrates the belief that the qualities below represent weakness in an individual:  (alphabetical listing, not by priority)

Carefulness
    Caring is for those who cannot change a situation
    One must do whatever is necessary to appear in charge
Conservation
    Everything is available for our unrestricted use
Humility
    One must be proud of self so others will not be aware of shortcomings
Love
    Love makes one vulnerable
Non-violence
    Passive aggressive tendencies demonstrate unwillingness to confront
Peacefulness
    This quality demonstrates one is not strong enough to win battles
Poise
    A cover up for inner uncertainty

Fortunately, I have fond memories of many persons in my life who recognize the true value of these characteristics and do their best to exemplify them every day.  They are role models I attempt to emulate.

A Word in Due Season

And a word spoken in due season, how good is it!

Proverbs 15:23

The other day I had a simple experience that brought the above text to mind. A friend had written a word of appreciation to me. It came out of the blue, so to speak, and I couldn’t get it out of my mind. It felt so good to receive that appreciation!

When someone takes the time to connect with us in a way that could easily be taken for granted, it is important not to let it pass that easily. Not only is a good word pleasant to hear, it can also move us to lift our own appreciation of self. Left to our own devices it is sometimes easy to forget that others look up to us in some way or are grateful that we are in their lives. When we accept their simple gift of a word spoken in due season, what a blessing it can be!

Never underestimate the power of a word of praise or appreciation, or an act of simple thoughtfulness. I know I was lifted up by the thoughtfulness of the person whose words I received. When you are moved to send a thoughtful word to someone, it may be because it is a due season in their life at that time. Your word may bring new hope or self-acceptance, or deep joy at a time it is really needed. Even if you never know how the word was received, trust that you have been led to give the blessing and that it has been received.

As we near Thanksgiving use the occasion to let your family, your friends and your associates know that you care about them. Share a simple act of kindness by complimenting some quality they are expressing, or thank them for something they have done that easily could have gone unnoticed. When you see something worthy of praise, give it. Conscious caring for and loving one another has been limited in many cases these days due to our busy schedules, and the clamor of lesser things for our attention. There is nothing more important to our mutual health and well being than a word spoken in due season. It is a simple act with deeply satisfying potential.

A Satisfying Life Of the Mind

For some time now I have found my attention returning to the idea of “Weltschmerz”1 that I wrote about in a former blog entry in July of this year. I continue to feel a deep sense of empathy with many conditions present in our world. This was triggered again by word of the passing of a truly great human being of our time, Paul Newman. As reports were shared, not only about his acting, which he often felt was below the level of perfection he desired, but also his generosity in giving richly to many charitable causes, I found myself sadly missing his presence, as though he were a personal friend. I also felt a sense of general loss in that humanity often fails to comprehend the contributions so many make behind the scenes. I watched Casablanca the other night and found the same emotions surfacing as I thought about Bogart, Bergman and the other great actors in the film, all gone now. These people have enriched our lives—individually and collectively.

Today I received news from a list that I am on about a book by Kathleen Norris2. It was a review in the Seattle Times by Portland author, Kimberly Marlowe Hartnett. The word “acedia” was new to me, perhaps because, according to reviewer, it has been dropped from dictionaries. We may be more accustomed to the word “sloth,” which is a synonym most associated with the seven deadly sins of Christendom. Sloth suffocates a satisfying life of the mind or a sustaining spirituality. I like the definition given in Wikipedia: “Acedia is a Latin word, from Greek akedia, literally meaning ‘absence of caring’."

These two words: Weltschmerz and acedia came together for me. Feeling world pain can come about because a person recognizes there is an absence of caring in the minds of many on the planet. We tend to care when our needs are not met or we are personally challenged in some way. I believe that a satisfying life of the mind is developed as we begin to reconnect with our spirituality and notice the little things in our world. As we reach beyond our own needs, our vision will embrace the contributions made by so many people doing so many things to make our world better for everyone. Hopefully, this broader vision will also move us past the judgments we tend to make of others we feel fall short of what we expect of them. Finally, I must examine my own life of mind to make certain my thoughts are postive and supportive of the highest and best in myself and in others with whom I have interaction.

As the emotions of concern and positive caring surface in my daily experiences, I will remember the satisfying life of the mind that results as I give of myself wherever I am able and through whatever talents I may have to share.

1 Weltschmerz (VELT-shmerts): German, from Welt (world) and Schmerz (pain). It refers to world-weariness or sadness felt at observing the difference between physical reality and the ideal state.
(http://lifecentering.blogspot.com/2008/07/weltschmerz.html)
2 Acedia & Me: A Marriage, Monks, and a Writer's Life (Riverhead, 334 pp., $25.99).

What Friends Do

Once again Daryn Kagan shares another great story (I get them every day from her website). This particular story struck me because back on March 1, 2008 I posted a story I read about in the Oregonian that day. (When People Do Nice Things for Each Other) Daryn’s story is about two childhood friends who continued their close relationship into young adulthood when one of them was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Rather than be overwhelmed and at a loss as to what to do, a support project was started that resulted in the development of a special website that gives everyone a way to help others. The story is well worth a read, and perhaps, even participation on your part if you have a friend in need or just want to be a blessing to another person. You can check out Karyn’s piece at: Watch Video >>

You can also go directly to the website at:

Helping friends when it's needed most

When a life-changing event happens, friends and family want to help! The WhatFriendsDo.com webtool is a FREE website that can help family and friends form a "Team" and respond in an organized and helpful way. Helping a friend through a life-changing event involves lending a hand with meals, transportation and other tasks. These events also call for understanding, love and uplifting support.