Memories of the Good Old Days

 

You remember the “good old days” don’t you?  Those were the days we always think back upon when we feel like today isn’t so good.  There is probably a 50/50 chance that those days were as good as it gets and since then it has all been downhill.  I remember old times and activities that are different from my current experiences.  There were the holidays when all of our extended family members got together for great dinners, music and games!  I remember when my dad or mom would sit down at the piano and play the songs everyone knew (the music of the 1930’s and early ‘40’s).  Often dad would play one of his several guitars.  One I was particularly fond of was the steel guitar. There were a lot of the big band songs, patriotic songs from the First World War and, of course, popular ballads of the time.  Sometimes we would play the old 78 RPM records—the Mills Brothers, Glenn Miller, and a lot of artists you probably never heard of.  Yes, THOSE were the good times!

Oh, come on!  Get over it!  The other 50 % of the time things were rotten!  People didn’t treat each other well, siblings weren’t always nice to each other.  And sometimes we just didn’t feel like singing, well, maybe the blues!  Depending on the era during which you made your entry to this world of wonders, you were stressed by the Great Depression (most likely it was your parents who were stressed and you “inherited” it).  Or maybe it was the hostility of a world war.  You could have come along later when nothing seem to matter—the 50’s “Beatnik” generation.  Whenever it was that you showed up, it was what it was.  Whether you ever got over it or not was up to you.  And it still is!

Sometime, sooner or later, we need to “flush” the negativity that has become our memory of those “good old days.”  Maybe the memory of the activities the family engaged in really does feel like the better times, the “home” place in your heart where what you did then represented the most important times of your life.  My image of family gatherings in early 1940’s are among the strongest I have.  Of course, I get sentimental about the home we lived in, the neighborhood and neighbors (all of whom knew each other back then).  But I also remember the neighborhood bully who ripped my Christmas Teddy Bear out of my hands and threw it in a mud puddle.  It was never quite the same after that, but I kept it for years. 

We have to be somewhat careful about how we remember the past.  There is certainly nothing wrong with having the memories, but if we tend toward thinking of them as the good that will never be in our life again, we are doomed to regress and withdraw from our current reality.  When a place where we used to live is more important to us than where we are living, we may not be really living at all in terms of benefiting from our present experience.

Christmas for 2011 is now over.  The presents have been opened and enjoyed.  For many the family has gathered, broken bread and shared in the love of being together.  For those living far apart, as most families seem to today, modern technology has made it possible to share directly through phone or Internet.  It is almost like being there, but not quite.  Whatever our experience, we have set in motion thoughts and feelings that will forever be a part of our memories.  How we choose to characterize our experience will tend to be how it influences us down the road.  It is not really what the event was like that is important.  It is how we remember it from now on.

As we look forward to the New Year and new adventures, new growth, and even new challenges, we will be making a choice as to how we face life, and thus how the events influence our future memories.    It is possible to adopt the attitude that the best is yet to be.  We can cherish the wonder of today and defuse whatever negative charge still exists in our memories by realizing that all that has gone before has made us who and what we are today.  And it is likely that we are better, richer and more blessed than we think. The New Year will be what it is.  How we choose to experience it is up to us.  It is our choice.

May you choose the best that can be!  May you make this the best year ever!

Looking Back - Looking Ahead

Those of you who have read my blog over the years know that I have written about the journals I have kept for many years.  On several occasions I have considered that it might be time to let them go—to the shredder!  Up until now I have deferred doing that.  For some reason this New Year seems to be the time to finally let go of my past.  Only someone who keeps or has kept a journal will understand the emotional impact such a separation might bring about.

When I think of the years of dream records, daily thoughts about the challenges and joys of some event, or the records of many hours of altered state transcripts enjoyed with select friends, it is sobering to think of letting them go.  Then, I realized that I am only letting go of the paper and the tapes.  The experiences and the friendships with those who participated in those years of my life are forever with me.  I finally have come to believe that the paper record does not represent my real life.

Well, at least that is how I felt a month ago before I actually started going through these records.  I had hardly begun with one of the last hand written journals for 1982-85 when suddenly a word or a person’s name would jump off the page to my sight.  That led to reading in both directions, backward and forward, to take in the context.  It doesn’t take a genius to realize this was not going to be the easy task I first thought.

Would it really make a difference if I just trashed the journals without scanning any of the pages?  Probably not.  But the fact that my attention was caught and I found the reading rewarding tells me it may be important to have those last looks back before continuing my journey forward.

After I began using a computer regularly, somewhere around 1991, my journals were in electronic word files.  When it comes to deleting these, highlight, hit delete, and it’s all over!  I can get rid of ten years of near daily journals in seconds!  And I did!  That is simply too much reading.  Besides, I bought two huge historical books I wanted to read and that seemed a more important use of my time.

Now it is the New Year and I have once again pulled the box of journals out of the closet and will try again to let go of the past.  One lingering thought about the past:  At my age the past is subject to “selective” memory; that is I may remember it differently than it actually was.  In that case, if it were important I could compare what I remember with what I wrote.  But then, who else beside me could possibly care?  I don’t expect to be conversing with anyone about things that happened forty years ago.

In the final analysis the reason I considered trashing the journals in the first place was because I felt finished with those past years.  As I finally got through the last notebooks there were some things I really felt I wanted to review in greater detail.  These were the transcripts of over 100 altered state sessions I had done with a small group of associates.  While most of the sessions were rather ordinary, there were some that I felt at the time may be important.  In the end I have three notebooks covering several years of sessions that I have put aside for further review.

One note from a friend that I came across I want to share with you.  It was important to me at the time and I found it still carried a warm message.

When we get 

bogged down

and upset with

all the everyday problems,

we don’t have the

energy left

to enjoy the truly

important things—

such as our

friendship.

You have made me

 realize that things

are not nearly as

devastating as they

may appear at

the moment.

You have given

me the power

to love.

--Susan Polis Schutz

The dreams and the diaries have been released.  My friends, I am moving on. The past is past, but the love lasts forever!

Beginning Again!

The calendar turns again. A new 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, or 8760 hours lie before us to shape as we will. It may seem, after the preceding year, that we have little to do with shaping our days, but of course you know I am going to tell you that we do!

One of the things that last year should have taught us is that we need to pay more particular attention to the details of our lives rather than leaving them to others and trusting they will take care of us. The immense financial melt down, egregious scandals and evidence of corporate and personal greed have battered not only the nation, but each of us individually. The top one percent of those who hold 80-95% of the nation’s wealth may be just fine. The rest of us have probably taken significant hits to our financial well-being. I don’t need to recount the details here. I can’t imagine you are not fully aware of how you have been affected.

I think it may be that we discovered how bad things were because more of us than ever before in history DID begin to take charge of our decisions. I believe we did this because we finally saw a LEADER emerging who declared he was willing to lead if we would all agree to do our part. President elect, Barack Obama, has demonstrated how he will lead by demonstrating his strong sense of self-confidence. He reached out to surround himself with the most qualified persons he could find who will challenge him to think and act courageously in bringing about the change he promised.

Now comes our part in the process. Beyond communicating our ideas (he says he will encourage the millions of folks on his campaign email list to share their concerns and suggestions with him) we must recognize our need to maintain a positive outlook. It is time to do more than simply think positive. It is time to act.

An email I received the other day included an article by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D, Author of the best seller, Women Who Run with the Wolves. Part of what she had to say is:

Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of
stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. Any small, calm thing that one soul can do to help another soul, to assist some portion of this poor suffering world, will help immensely. It is not given to us to know which acts or by whom, will cause the critical mass to tip toward an enduring good. What is needed for dramatic change is an accumulation of acts, adding, adding to, adding more, continuing. We know that it does not take everyone on Earth to bring justice and peace, but only a small, determined group who will not give up during the first, second, or hundredth gale.

Ms. Estes recognizes that we get depressed and discouraged, but urges us to not faint in our effort to be part of the positive change that we will accomplish together. Any effort we individually make will make a difference. No act is insignificant, because none of us is insignificant. Take a deep breath and acknowledge that in a spirit of joy and certainty you act not alone! Hold to the vision of possibility. Keep on keeping on!