Thursday, June 16, 2011

More About “What If I Die . . .?”

Too often it is easy to dismiss the questions others have about life because we are not in their shoes.  Though we may want to “help,” our shoes seldom fit them.  Additionally, because we may not understand where the question is coming from in the context of their life, our dismissal of the question, intended or not, appears to dismiss the person as well.

Being able to muster great personal “truths” from our own experiences does not necessarily mean it is the truth for another person.  In the end every experience is personal.  Our efforts to be of assistance is admirable as long as in offering it we are not inadvertently knocking down what little support the person may currently think they have.  It is simply not good enough to reduce them to rubble in order for them to begin to rebuild.  I have never really accepted this form of psychological assistance.

When a person is in a place of uncertainty, especially about who they “really” are and what may lie beyond their current physical expression, it is not helpful to moralize.  At that point, talking about pop-psychology solutions, or even professionally accepted psychological principles might only appear like a spaghetti-bowl of confusion.  It may be true that all things work for some people, but I do not believe it is true that all things work for all people.  Sometimes our solution may not work for anyone else.

It may be that all a person wants or needs is to be heard!  They are neither asking for nor desirous of a cure-all process to heal them.  Just listen honestly without judgment or the urge to say the right thing. 

Really, sometimes I just want to be heard! Is the message.


Inspector Clouseau said...

"...does not necessarily mean that it is the truth for another person."

Could not be better said, and yet so few today seem to only view the world through their personal lens.

Hopefully this comment will "stick" this time. My last three comments have disappeared, followed by an error code message.

Elaine said...

I possitively agree your point, just to be a listener. Like the saying, "Only the wearer knows where the shoes pain."

Inspector Clouseau said...

Within the next hour or two, we will generate a post on Betty Ford. Previously we generated a post entitled, "Whose Life is It Anyway."

One of the things is the Jewish religion which we have always found interesting is their emphasis on what one does during one's life here on earth, without regard for the "afterlife."

Betty Ford was amazing, and made the most out of life here on earth, her personal struggles notwithstanding. We should all be so strong.